Looking Back is Easier than Looking Forward

The last two weeks have been a hot mess of schedules that consisted of hotel living and checklists. Nothing in our lives was typical from sleeping in sofa beds to eating breakfast with strangers. Our sense of norm was needless to say disrupted.

Many of you know my son has Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) which is one of those conditions that best thrives in order, structure, and routine expectations. I have to admit, I expected meltdowns, sibling fights, and escalated behaviors of non-compliance. What I didn't expect was the attachment to me that ensued the moment we said our final good-bye to our house. For AJ, hotel life was just a brief vacation with a swimming pool at his fingertips, a tv in his "bedroom", and a playdate every other day. He didn't realize we weren't going back. 

Many nights and mornings I was met with the following question..."Mom, we go to green house?" 

"No, son. No green house."

Paisley took things a little bit better than AJ. As I explained to her that the hotel was our new home for now, she responded to me, "Uh, Mom? You realize our new home is a bedroom, right?" She is always good for a one liner!!! I chuckled, and said, "Yes. It's only for a little while and then we get to go see cousins." I think her mind was instantly put to ease. 

We spent our last night in our home saying good-bye in a very special way. We all reminisced about our favorite memories in green house. It was especially fun to hear what the kids had to say and just what they remembered. We closed our evening whispering a prayer through teary, squeaky voices and made our way back to the hotel. 

It was excruciating to leave Colorado the next morning and head out for Utah. Especially knowing that we still had one remaining issue to work out in our final destination to England. AJ was not approved to travel with us due to his medical needs. The US government feels it would be a disservice to AJ to take him to a country that treats autism with a different approach. It isn't treated identically to the United States. Aaron and I both feel very differently than the powers that be about AJ's abilities and his potential for success over in the UK. We have already appealed once on their ruling and we lost. He was denied again. We have taken the next steps necessary to ensure AJ's accompanied move to Europe is a success. We are in the application process to get him a visa and have an appointment with the immigration office this week in Montana. Provided that goes well and we receive an approval from them to get his visa, we will then purchase a plane ticket on the same flight as our own. Fingers crossed, the flights will coordinate and we won't have to make any last minute adjustments to make sure our family stays together. 

Stress had all but consumed us while we approached our departure date to Utah. It was at the forefront of our minds and made its way into most of our conversations along the way. However, at each stop we made during our I-70 West trek, AJ undid his seat belt to come up front and sit in my lap; sometimes with tears, sometimes with silence. He is a kid of very few words, but a ball of heightened emotions and feelings. I was his only consistency in the last two weeks. Every where he went or any time I left his view, he would ask Aaron, "Where's my mom?".

What AJ taught me in the next 12 hours will stick with me for the next three years in England. He taught me that as long as we have each other, we will be just fine. That knowledge inspired me to make a video comprised of the last 6 years of our lives in Colorado. It captures all the mini-milestones and celebrations we experienced together as a family. It made me realize that we had already made two moves before, each of them seemingly harder than the last, but the smiling faces in all of our pictures proved that happiness and laughter were always found again with one another. 

It's great to look back on things of the past and fond memories, but AJ taught me it's just as exciting to look to the future of things yet to come. For if we have one another, we have all we need. Enjoy our video by visiting the following youtube link. Until next time...~K

https://youtu.be/Eb_WVJ1chkU